Anxiety

I think I may have just had an anxiety attack or something?! I started freaking out, breathing really fast, feeling that all was hopeless, very fidgety, very agitated, and couldn’t even sit down until I had washed the dishes, scrubbed the stove top, and dusted the entire house! What does it all mean? And why?

Well, my husband has been unemployed for almost two months now, he left his old job and had a bit of a well-deserved holiday, he hadn’t had one in three years except for our honeymoon. So in this period he has had several interviews, one has progressed really well, and we are at the stage where huge hints have been dropped, but there is no actual approval as to when he is going to get it. We were supposed to find out yesterday, but the guy in charge was away on business, then today but he has been in meetings, and now time wise it is too late for them to call us today. So we won’t find out till tomorrow.

I know this shouldn’t be a big deal but the potential new job could mean a move for us that would be quite significant, that might develop quite quickly, the idea of which is making every muscle in my body tightens up, including my date. (Too much information I know, but I am really trying to communicate just how stressed I am feeling by this whole situation of uncertainty). I am not stressed by the fact that we have to move, but by the fact that we ‘almost’ ‘maybe’ ‘might’ have to. I am one of those people who need to know either way. I don’t deal well with uncertainty.

Another thing I am not good at is patience. Whenever I have needed something, I have always just gone out and got it, and I have made it happen pretty quickly. But our current situation is something that I can’t rush and I can’t force. And that…that is what is shitting me! In my head I am thinking why don’t they just hurry up and call us already, and put us out of our misery! Maybe if they knew that I was feeling so uptight they might hurry the f*ck up! (Haa haa, I doubt it, very much).

So now that I have had my rant, removed every speck of dust from my home, and my stove is sparkling like an f-ing 3 carat diamond, I am finally feeling a little better. I have decided that in order to cope, I am not going to think about the job, the possible move, or anything to do with that situation, it’s not happening until it’s happening. So no body, I repeat NOBODY bring it up, and if I do, stop me…please…for the preservation of my sanity and the environment which I am fast filling up with disposable anti-static dusting cloths.

Of course this whole ignorance is bliss scenario will go down the toilet when we go for dinner tonight at the in-laws and they ask about the job. “Has he got it, has he not got it, when will you know, maybe he hasn’t, where will you live, what will you do with your job?” Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! Help!