Farts and Marriage

Husband: Oh dear god! Do not breathe through your nose!

Wife: You are so lucky that I have a cold. (As she walks away from the stench at the couch to clear the table) Else you might be signing some papers about now.

Husband: Oh my god, my nose is burning!

Wife: Well you brought it on yourself!

The morning I had a visit from a Cherry Picker.

As I type, there is a cherry picker parking outside our apartment building and orange traffic cones being spread around it to stop traffic. You know why? Well when we moved in there were several cracked windowpanes in our little 1920’s windows and these guys, they are here to fix them. I thought that maybe they would come in the apartment and fix them from the inside as it seemed like the obvious course of events. But noooo, apparently there are three guys and a cherry picker required. They are not yet on their way up, probably packing the panes of glass into the picker part of the cherry contraption.

So this post will be a live post, well not posted live, but written live as opposed to my regular posts reflecting on the day. You’re in for some fun!

Oooh, it’s coming up! Yay! (Can you tell that perhaps I have been a little starved of human contact?) Wow they have blocked half of the pavement too, must be to prevent people form being showered in glass and suing the bajeezes out of them.

Oops, fell behind a bit, was setting up presentation boards. Ok, so there is glass all over kitchen, lots of banging, and new panes going in. All I am thinking right now is that those guys had better bloody come in and clean up my kitchen, I can’t even look at it right now as my head may in fact explode.

Thank god, they just came to clean up, and they have just left, and I have new windowpanes. The thing is when boys clean up, they don’t really clean so it’s crystal clean, so there are tiny glass shards all over my kitchen and all over the window sill in the lounge. See Boys, a dustpan and brush don’t really cut it when you are dealing with teeny tiny shards of glass! Didn’t your mother’s teach you anything! Vacuum cleaner time for me and I have had enough of the live writing business, doesn’t give me time to think of anything witty.

P.S Did I mention the glass boys were cute? But they can’t clean very well, so sorry all you single gals, that makes them a no go zone, then again they would come in handy in the event of a glass breakage. They were not as cute as my husband of course.

Aaah Sweet Broadband

Aaah sweet Broadband, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

1. You don’t leave in a constant state of desperation by disconnecting every hour.
2. You take less than 5 minutes to load a web page.
3. You allow me to be on several different sites, msn and email giant files all at the same time.
4. You are wireless, with no messy strings attached.
5. I can sit on the couch, in bed, on the floor on the dining table, maybe even in the stairwell and still have access to the net.

I love you broadband.

Now that my pathetic spiel over my inability to deal without broadband is over, isn’t it interesting that such a together woman can fall apart when she doesn’t have a fast and continuous Internet connection? My life seems to depend on it, and in terms of business and earnings it does. I wonder what would happen if there was a nuclear bomb and there was no internet, I suppose that wouldn’t matter as my concern would be the fact that I may no longer be living…ok enough of stupid internet talk, it is going no where.

In other news, the weather here has been absolutely loopy today. I felt like I was living in Antarctica except for the snow and ice part. It was so d*mn cold and the wind was so strong, I thought the apartment windows might explode. Did I mention that I was wearing leather boots, a scarf and a jacket with a hood and it’s November! November People! The time when I should be lazing on the beach, wearing pluggers and singlets.

Also I saw this guy today who looked exactly like Lenny Kravitz, except I think that this guy way gay. He had the whole stringy fro, black jeans, leather jacket, cool boots, buggy sunglasses thing going on, he was totally hotttt! Hee hee looksies only I promise.

Ok, chicken time! Hungry belly demands food.

My hands hurt…mine hurt more

Last night after eating our delicious Satay Beef, we popped together two of our new storage cabinets for the lounge. Well, ‘pop’ might be a little bit of a lie, perhaps ‘struggled’, ‘moaned’, or ‘blistered’. In fact, we haven’t even finished the second one, the doors still have to go on, but we looked at each other and new that we couldn’t go on.

Let me clarify that my husband in fact did most of the work, I just tightened screws, because he has done so much building over the last few days, putting together the dining table and all the chairs, that he can hardly move his hands. Poor Love.

I will eventually get the photos up on the web of the whole moving in fiasco, perhaps tomorrow. I started back at work yesterday, and it was insane! I logged on and had about three thousand emails from 5 days away from my computer. We haven’t got the internet up at home as yet, so I am down at the café down the road till my laptop battery dies. I come down here twice a day and send and receive email, and hopefully have enough battery at the end of it all to read my daily dose of news and dooce. I am looking forward to being able to curl up on the couch again, or in bed with the wireless internet though, it’s comforting to be able to flip open the laptop in the morning and know that you can find out anything that you want to just by typing in two little words…google.com

Ok…so we are moving to Sydney!

My un-employed husband is no longer un-employed! Oh yes, that’s right! My days of coming home to my househusband are almost over! Of course before I get to experience a workingman again, we have to pack up our entire lives and move to Sydney…small sacrifice! Haa haa, not really.

We got confirmation on Wednesday, and we have almost cleared out all the unwanted cr*p from our unit, which has been a really cleansing experience. I recommend that everyone imagine that they are moving interstate and cull all their cr*p so they can feel as cleansed as I do right now. I feel freed, from all of the useless papers, collected postcards, dusty books, old candles, teenage clothing (yes I am 24 and still had a huge box of teenage clothing). It is really amazing how much stuff really means nothing to our lives, yet we all seem to carry it around with us. I never thought of myself as much of a hoarder, I always do a twice-yearly sort and throw, but I have held on to so much useless, ugly, trashy things, all of which I actually disliked but felt compelled to keep.

This week we will have all of our stuff packed, loaded and trucked and will move in with my Mumma, and we will go to Sydney to look at apartments next weekend.

It is all happening so quickly, all of this change. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, as it has forced us to make quick decisions and not over think things too much. My only concern is that after about a month of being there that it will all hit us, and we will get a bit homesick and lonely. We will have each other, and some of my family also. But once we settle in, I think it will hit us that this is a really big change.

Anxiety

I think I may have just had an anxiety attack or something?! I started freaking out, breathing really fast, feeling that all was hopeless, very fidgety, very agitated, and couldn’t even sit down until I had washed the dishes, scrubbed the stove top, and dusted the entire house! What does it all mean? And why?

Well, my husband has been unemployed for almost two months now, he left his old job and had a bit of a well-deserved holiday, he hadn’t had one in three years except for our honeymoon. So in this period he has had several interviews, one has progressed really well, and we are at the stage where huge hints have been dropped, but there is no actual approval as to when he is going to get it. We were supposed to find out yesterday, but the guy in charge was away on business, then today but he has been in meetings, and now time wise it is too late for them to call us today. So we won’t find out till tomorrow.

I know this shouldn’t be a big deal but the potential new job could mean a move for us that would be quite significant, that might develop quite quickly, the idea of which is making every muscle in my body tightens up, including my date. (Too much information I know, but I am really trying to communicate just how stressed I am feeling by this whole situation of uncertainty). I am not stressed by the fact that we have to move, but by the fact that we ‘almost’ ‘maybe’ ‘might’ have to. I am one of those people who need to know either way. I don’t deal well with uncertainty.

Another thing I am not good at is patience. Whenever I have needed something, I have always just gone out and got it, and I have made it happen pretty quickly. But our current situation is something that I can’t rush and I can’t force. And that…that is what is shitting me! In my head I am thinking why don’t they just hurry up and call us already, and put us out of our misery! Maybe if they knew that I was feeling so uptight they might hurry the f*ck up! (Haa haa, I doubt it, very much).

So now that I have had my rant, removed every speck of dust from my home, and my stove is sparkling like an f-ing 3 carat diamond, I am finally feeling a little better. I have decided that in order to cope, I am not going to think about the job, the possible move, or anything to do with that situation, it’s not happening until it’s happening. So no body, I repeat NOBODY bring it up, and if I do, stop me…please…for the preservation of my sanity and the environment which I am fast filling up with disposable anti-static dusting cloths.

Of course this whole ignorance is bliss scenario will go down the toilet when we go for dinner tonight at the in-laws and they ask about the job. “Has he got it, has he not got it, when will you know, maybe he hasn’t, where will you live, what will you do with your job?” Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! Help!

Lotto hopes dashed…every other week

When the lotto prize reaches above about 9 million dollars, my husband HAS to buy a lotto ticket. After he has bought one, or I have bought one for him, he then sits down and proceeds to list all the things we can do when we win the lotto. Like first we will go on a holiday, then we will buy a house, a new car, take the family to China for the Olympics. All good stuff! The thing is that I have never really been into the lotto; my family aren’t big lotto ticket people. Hence I don’t really see the excitement in buying a piece of paper for 10-15 dollars and then hoping, that out of the millions of people who have also bought a ticket that we will win. Maybe I am a realist but I don’t really think that the chances of winning are that high, at all! But as he says, you have to be in it to win it!

After our discussion of all the cool stuff that we will buy, do and experience I must admit that I do get a bit excited. But I always have to pull myself back to reality and think hang on a sec, this is the lotto, the chances of winning anything are extremely low. After this discussion, I always feel like maybe our current lifestyle is not really good enough. L In reality it is! We are doing great for people in our early/mid twenties, we have minimal debt apart from our giant HECS debts, we own lots of shares, and we studied hard to get good jobs that we love doing, we are married and we are happy! What’s better than that? Well maybe a slightly higher salary would be nice, but we don’t really need to win lotto.

Last year I bought a lotto ticket for us and I won $40 (not much), but the next week I won $120. I caught the bug after that, but only for a week. I bought a ticket the week after that and then we won nothing. See I am happy to be committed to something as long as it is committed to me also! And Lotto YOU FAILED ME!

The only upside to buying a ticket for me is that at least I know I am contributing money to Lottery West. My hard earned Lotto ticket money is helping a lot of charities and community projects, which are funded by Lotto grants. Apart from the extremely distant possibility of winning, the fact that we are donating to a body that makes a difference in this community is the only reason I allow the hubby to keep buying them tickets.

Parking Inspectors Stalking Me

This week was the first week back at work for most of us here in Perth, and the parking inspectors have been out in full force. Sometimes I think they receive some guilty pleasure from giving people tickets, and the fact that people are mostly terrified of them. I believe that they have been stalking me this week, because everytime I have tried to sneak onto the side of the road to drop off the fiancee or pick him up, they are all of a sudden behind me, or in front of me, or next to me, or worse jumping out of their cars and stomping over the road towards me! So I have been shoving the fiancee in and out of the car all week, trying to push him out the door and take off so I don't get booked, or worse berated. Consequently we have been smashing our heads together instead of our usual peck on the mouth, in the rush to get him out of the car.

The most stupid I felt all week is when I told a parking inspector, after he had stomped over the road towards me, that I had no idea that I was standing in a hotel bus stand. Even though I stop there everyday to wait for the fiancee to come out of the building. I felt horrible after I drove away, guilty that I had lied to the guy, even though it possibly saved me a ticket. I don't know why he bought it, maybe it was because I said I would move right away, or maybe it was because he couldn't be bothered, or maybe he already had my licence number and I will receive a nasty letter in the post.

Boy was he angry though!! I think that is a pre-requisite for being a parking inspector, that or they just get sick of all the lame excuses that they get.

Men Knitting Pink Scarfs

I was sitting in a cafe today drinking my second flat white and I looked over and saw a man knitting a pink scarf. It was amazing, I was shocked and not in a bad way. I was impressed that a man could sit in public in Australia amongst the hoards of ultra masculine men and judgemental women and knit pink wool. Well, I suppose not all of us ladies are judgemental, but all of us would think this site a bit strange. Good on you pink scarf knitting man!