Alone in the World

Alone in the world of design! I am officially un-employed! Well self-employed, which in this town means un-employed. Fun fun!! I am already flat out with work which is great, but I am also really concerned about being able to make enough money, and provide enough for the life that me anf my fiancee live. I don't think he is as worried as I am though, as he seems to believe that I can do this, and I probably can, but hey sometimes I find it all too hard to beleive. :)

Today my best friend and I went to the pub and finished off a bottle of white wine and had a great chat, about the realities of life and love and relationships. Which is fairly regular apparently as two sisters on the table next to us were doing the same thing! I just love how easily that women can read other women, it's great! We can read other women so well, tell by their body language and the way that they look at their girlfriends. Just from reading our neighboring table we ended up having the best chat ever with these fabulous women. One of them is getting married next weekend, and the other (her sister) has just come over from Sydney for the wedding. The sister suspects that her boyfriend in Sydney is cheating on her, so she is flying home tonight to see him, and hopefully catch him out!! Increadible, how kick ass is that! I suppose that you cannot tell alot about a woman when you have just met her, but this lady was lovley, and gorgeous and had a sparkling personality. what was this guy thinking!!

What a depressing day

Do you ever have a day when you think that you will bever make it to the end with an outcome that is required of you? Today was one of those days, I came home feeling like a total failure all because I couldn't design a logo properly, because it was a caricature. And I of course cannot draw people to save my life, unless they are immensley stylised or naked women (life drawing) in charcoal or pastels. Imagine being a designer who can't draw cartoons and caricatures, well that is me. I can draw many other things, in fact most other things. But as the Fiancee has said, it is impossible to be perfect at everything. :) Wise words :)

The thing that shocked me the most about today, is how useless I felt by the end of the day, like my life was going to end or something. I just can't stand the idea of failing at solving a design problem, or not being able to come up with a perfect or even good outcome. I have never felt so horrible, I felt worse even than when I had been through a break-up. Maybe because I couldn't use my talent to conquer a problem, something I have alwayd been able to do.

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I hope to solve the problem that I was unable to solve today, otherwise, tomorrow i will be feeling just as dejected as I do now :(

Invasion of Hairy Black Worms

A friend of mine has been invaded my crazy little black worms that are trying to desecrate a tree in her front yard. They are spreading all throughout her garden, and they are absolutely disgusting!!

Then the other day I walked out the back of my house and I saw a single furry black worm! Then and few hours later they were everywhere, invading my yard, and threatening all of my lovely plants! Aaaah! When I see them I can't help but shudder, I am not sure why, as I have never had such a negative reaction to bugs before. Living in Australia bugs kinda become part of your existence. But these worms...well lets just say I can't handle them.

So the fiance and I went on a mission to locate the beastly shrub that was attracting the worms and get rid of it, in the hope of removing out little worm problem. So after removing said shrub, we thought "Great! Crisis overted!" But we are still being invaded, everytime I go outside I have to Baygon the suckers, and I feel really guilty everytime, even though I don't like them. Cause when you Baygon them they wriggle and squirm :( It makes my teeth feel funny just thinking about it, like when you see/hear someone run their fingers down a black board.

My soon to be sister in law has been over, and I have left the bug spraying to her. You go kick ass girl! Get those wormy's! But don't show them to me :( I don't wanna see them!

Let It Be...

Sometimes I feel like life is all too hard! Living up to my own expectations is almost impossible, and I just wish that I didn't put everything on such a high pedestal that was so far out of my reach. I am sure others feel the same, that they can't understand why they can't have the perfect life, the perfect job, the perfect relationship, and the perfect family and friends. I just want to know when I will be happy to accept that things are always less than perfect, and that in the reality of this world perfect is not reality. I am longing for the day when I can be happy with the less than perfect, and realise that I actually like less than perfect, because that is what is real and fun.

I often feel like when one thing goes wrong in my day that it is ruined from then on. I know this sounds pathetic, but I very often find myself close to tears when something goes wrong that is out of my control, cause I will then know that my perfect day was ruined! So am I a phsyco for feeling this way? Am I an emotional wreck of a human being that needs to just chill out? Or am I just normal? Does everyone feel like this?

When will I learn to be happy with the way that things are, and just let it be...