Tuesday, July 04, 2006

“Oh dat is nooo gud”

My body has been in protest mode for a few weeks now, putting up several barricades in my way as I struggle to maintain my normal routines. I got a strange rash on my under-arms. Initially I thought that this might just be due to the fact that we have had our heater on on-stop, then I thought that perhaps I had changed a moisturiser or a deodorant etc, but it was none of these things. Though, I was convinced it was the dry skin thing for about 4 weeks, so for the last month I have been suffering in silence with my Sorbolene, Aveeno Cream and Paw Paw Ointment (not made on puppy paws but the fruit).

My parents always said to me when I was a kid and hurt myself, “Just slap some paw paw ointment on it!”. As kids we (my brothers and I) had paw paw for nappy rash, grazes, dryness, cuts, lip balm, every possible ailment on our exterior shells. So I have continues the tradition of spreading the word that paw paw ointment was the secret behind Jesus’ miracle healing. I do actually say it like this when I am preaching about the paw paw, just ask my friends, because paw paw ointment was invented by God himself didn’t you know that?! People were losing faith so he invented the paw paw ointment and then sent Jesus down to earth to apply it to every man, woman and child! Some say this is why he was able to walk on water, as the paw paw ointment created a strong oily seal between his feet and the water and he just glided along its surface! Seriously!

Back to the rash. My miracle ointment did not perform its duty, and I stopped believing in God! Once I got over the fact that my faith had been forsaken in the paw paw, I finally resided myself to the fact that I may have to go to the doctor and get it checked out. I went to the local doctors surgery and saw this funny little (I think Polish) man who was very kind and cheery, a little like santa. He said “Oh dat is nooo gud, we must get some steroid ointmunt onto dat! Dat looks like a fungal infecton to me, or perhaps an allergic reacton!” So he hooked me up with some steroid cream, and we decided to do a run of tests for general health while we were there, cause I just LOVE giant blood testing needles!

I actually managed to look over at the needle in my arm about half way through the test and watched the blood sucking out into the little tube. Which is quite an achievement for me considering last time I had a needle I passed out. On Thursday I go back to se Dr Hzrghlocski (not his real name, but I imagine you would pronounce it something like this), to get my test results, though I must keep using the steroid cream on the fungi/irritation until 7 days after symptoms have disappeared.

I had an interesting thought this morning whilst putting on the steroid cream, does this mean that due to increased steroids near my mammary’s that they will grow larger? Perhaps it’s wishful thinking.

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