The Gardening Romance is Over

(Written on the 5th of Sept)

Before I begin, NO I have not killed any seedlings. But, YES, I am totally over watering them everyday. I just came in from watering those little sons of b*tches in the freezing cold wind, that has been blowing through this fine city all day today. As I type this, my hands are so numb that I can’t actually feel them touching the keys. My husband actually shrieked (very girly) when I touched him with my hands, I have never heard that sounds come out of him before, it was quite shocking, for the both of us.

I tell you what those little seedlings better appreciate all the pain and anguish I am going through to water them, weed around them (damn you clover weeds!), snail pellet them, remove dead snail bodies everyday.

Speaking of dead snail bodies, I have an aversion to mucus, its colours, it consistency, everything about it! This is creating a rather interesting site for people walking by as I try not to vomit on the grass when carefully extracting dead snails spurting with mucus from the garden beds. I am crouched down, in my Ugg boots (of course, they are the epitome of suburban, domestic, winter, gardening footwear), large gardening gloves on, plastic pot of dead snails to my right, bending forward plucking out the mucus snail body, cringing, trying not to touch the gooby bits, and then transferring it into the pot plant.

Our street gets a lot of traffic from evening walkers and their pets, so I am sure that they all look forward to seeing the woman crouching, cringing and trying not to choke on her own mucus.

The gardening romance is officially over!